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Lonesome and blue
Monday, September 20, 2004
My youngest daughter has gone to uni. So that's that with the motherhood thing - or that kind of motherhood stuff, meal cooking, clothes washing, taxi driving motherhood. There'll be other kinds - cash sending, phone call making, letter writing, looking forward to your visit mom. I miss her bigtime. She is so class. Her fish died the day after she left. I wrote a poem:

Moving Swiftly On

After you’d gone, the silence in the house
Changed to a lower key
The tingle of expectancy collapsed around me
Like the cover on a budgie’s cage
Bringing sudden darkness.

The fish died, went belly up
Checking out to avoid the days
Without you, your soft voice
Beguiling as a siren
Offering a reason to circumnavigate the globe.

I listen to my breath, in and out,
Move from room to room
Just checking.
There’s not even a smell of you,
Not even a hair in the sink
No knickers on the bathroom floor
No glass beside the sofa.

This place is clean as a whistle.
Wearing rubber gloves, you have
folded yourself into a suitcase
posted yourself to a new address
kicked over the traces
leaving me with a chill in my left side
as if I am half undressed.

It's all a matter of time, I suppose - it's all a matter of adjustment. Making myself understand that this is good, that she's doing what she wants to do and facing up to my old avoidance tactics - no more excuses for not writing, not socialising - it's all down to me now. Nobody but myself to blame.

9:28 AM   0 comments

Monday, September 13, 2004

The gorgeous Mat Fraser  Posted by Hello
8:29 AM   0 comments

Mat Fraser at Hydrogen Jukebox
I am excited - enough to be spurred into print after two months of blogless existence. Two months spent either sloggin (not bloggin) away at work or taking of the waters at two lovely English seside resorts - I do love to be beside. Swam north(Saltburn) and south(Woolacombe). Very therapeutic.
But the excitement has nothing to do with la mer - just with the prospect of seeing the lovely talented Mat Fraser again - he is doing Hydrogen Jukebox's opener for the season and will be brilliant. Even though this has all necessitsted a row with the local press who want to see him as a "disabled" performer. They think this makes them bold and hard hitting. I think it makes them typically provincial and small minded. It's what happens when you don't live in a city and probably have never left your cosy little backwater. People are one shape and colour only and anything else is a massive shock worth lengthy hacking. Miss out the interesting things about a human being and concentrate on what you see as a defect.
Still at least they've mentioned him. He had to compete with "Rare Moth Found in Airing Cupboard" after all.
If you are down Darlington way tomorrow night do drop in. Arts Centre, Garden bar 8pm. You'll be welcome whoever you are.
7:19 AM   0 comments